The Ultimate Tip to Make You a Better Lover

by | Couples, Feminine, Masculine, Sexuality

So what is the one thing that will make you a better lover?

Hint: It’s not about what you’re doing.

Mind-blowing sex isn’t just wowing your partner with a collection of technical tricks. Even if the glossy pages of men’s and women’s magazines tell you otherwise.

It’s not about faster, harder, longer, stronger. Or size, or tightness or flexibility (Yeah, the Kama-Sutra is great in theory, but how many of us can actually get our leg up there and keep it there, whilst still enjoying the sex part?).

The problem with all these technical approaches is that they take you out of your body and into your head. You spend so much time wondering if you’re doing it right – if you’re in far enough, hitting the right spot, swirling your tongue just right, clenching your PC muscle hard enough, or too much – that you lose sight of what’s really important.

Your partner.

The person you’re making love to.

And the connection between you.

It’s not about what you’re doing.

It’s about who you’re being.

How present are you when you’re inside your partner, or when they’re inside you?

Are you grounded so deeply in your body that you feel every single shiver of pleasure – yours and theirs – and every single delicate thrust?

Do you feel their breath as it escapes in long, sensuous moans from their lips? Do you feel your own?

Do you feel your skin tingle as their hands wander your back and their cheek grazes your neck?

Can you look into your lover’s eyes and hold their gaze, without shying away or trying to hide?

Can you be there, in the moment, in complete surrender with your man?

Can you be there, in the moment, in complete worship of your woman?

Because even the most orgasmic techniques pale in comparison to having your partner be truly present with you.

It’s how you go beyond the physical domain of sex and into the spiritual.

It’s how you transcend two bodies and merge into one unified whole.

Of course, a varied sexual repertoire is important. Knowing how to deeply pleasure your partner or how to channel orgasmic energy through your entire body – it all helps to make you a better lover and to feel more pleasure and confidence in the bedroom.

But do you want the truth?

If that’s all you focus on, you’re missing the point.

The techniques will just become something else to hide behind. Something to pull you out of the moment and away from each other. And then sex becomes nothing more than a hollow performance of rehashed moves.

Your lover doesn’t want your tricks.

They want you.

That’s why they’re there.

So breathe.

Be aware.

And be in love.





Now it’s your turn. Let’s get the conversation about sex started – so we can all enjoy more pleasure and become better lovers.

So tell us – What do you think makes you a better lover – presence or technique?

What’s the ONE biggest lesson you’ve learnt over your sexual life that has made you a better lover? 

Don’t be shy – your stories and insights are extremely valuable, not only to us, but to everyone who read them.

Jodie x




Hi, I’m Jodie. A life, love and sexual empowerment coach. I work with women and couples to help them create the lives, love and sex they’ve always wanted. More love, more passion, more pleasure and more fulfilment. Read more about me here.